學測英文作文批改實例—漫畫題－中英作文（國寫）、莊老師國文線上一對一教學、留學申請資料修改

這題圖片題是2019年八月剛考完的模考題，由於版權的關係，題目請參閱201908翰林第一次模考（題目可由此進，需登入），此文也是由一位應屆高三生所撰寫，具體修改和評語請詳見下方！

In (On) a sunny day, a teacher brought ~~some~~ (his) students to the zoo for animal (behavior) research. ~~As they walked~~ (Before walking) into the zoo, the teacher gave an (intriguing) introduction of (to) the zoo and told the students to be careful for their own safety. With the atmosphere of joy, the students were ~~so excited that their smile popped out without control~~ (too excited to hold their smiles).

There were so many kinds of animals in the zoo that students can (easily) satisfy their unlimited curiosity. While observing animals, students ~~noting~~ (noted) down the interesting information of those animals. Walking along the path, ~~a question popped out in a girl’s mind~~ (a girl started to think): “What if ~~human was~~ (human beings are) the one(s) being watched by animals?”. The question made her remind the crying face of the monkey she had just seen.

All of a sudden, a terrified ~~scream~~ (shriek) hit her ears. She saw her teacher holding his ~~broken~~ (injured) arm and wailing in the cage of elephants. Every one outside laughed at him due to his stupid action that he ~~used~~ (was using) cellphones while walking and did not realized he was going to fell into the cage. Watching teacher’s sad face, the girl finally realized the feelings of being stared by strangers. This gave her the sympathy to (for) those animals.

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Colors in the text: red – original text; blue – correction

Teacher’s comments:

Overall, it’s a relatively good essay. There are not many grammar/easy mistakes. I would give it 14-15 points.
I did the corrections at some of the places where you are not necessarily wrong, but there is just a better way to phrase it.
"On" follows with days: "on Monday", "on that day", "on a sunny day", etc.
“a question popped out in a girl’s mind” is a description of the cartoon; you should use something like “a girl started to think”, which describes the story.
Using present tense in “human beings are” is because it indicates what she was thinking about at that very moment.